PULSARA TIP: How to Get What You Want

“I want it so bad that it hurts.”

You’ve been there. It’s that one thing that you wish upon ceaselessly. That one thing that begins to dominate your every thought and steers your actions. We have all experienced how effortlessly human nature can take thereins and drive us to extreme measures in such situations.

CASE IN POINT

Recently, my eight-year-old daughter REALLY wanted a pet hedgehog (yes, it’s a common request down here in Texas). For weeks, she carefully plotted. The first tactic included warming Daddy up to the idea. Then she moved on to bartering and a smattering of clever negotiation tactics.

Who knew a small child could possess such refined psychological manipulation skills?

In the short-term, the answer was no. She didn’t get what she wanted. But through the process, my daughter learned important skills and now has a very clear plan to get her new pet. Unfortunately, even with the hope of a future hedgehog, she was initially frustrated and saddened when she realized that - at that moment - she wasn’t going to get what she so desperately wanted. Her carefully crafted plan had failed.

WHAT’S THE RESPONSE?

Anger is the normal response to not getting what we want. Generations of parents have prepared us for these inevitable let downs:

“Life isn’t fair.”

“We don’t always get what we want.”

“Good things come to those who wait.”

But is that always true? Does that really help? Are we prepared?

Furthermore, what about when what you want is something more abstract like a career objective? It can be immensely frustrating when we can’t see that light at the end of the tunnel and there is no clear path to obtaining it. Frustration quickly turns to anger, and anger leads to bitterness. In the end, you may even find yourself living in fear of being fired from a job that you despise.

So how do we avoid this unpleasant trap and still get what we want? Let’s start by taking a deeper look at the composite parts of the process that comes about when we want something.

COMMON THINGS WE WANT

• Respect - Thank you, Aretha Franklin!

• Autonomy

• Budget allocation

• Pulsara … 😉

• Promotion

• Authority/Position/Power

• Credit for a job well done

• HELP

HOW NOT TO GET WHAT YOU WANT

Now let’s look at a few of the most common yet ineffective things people do to try to get what they want:

• Manipulation

• Politics

• Bribery

• Over-compensation

• Lies

• Information hoarding

• Passive aggressiveness

The problem with the above tactics is that they don’t work. Sure, they may in the short term, but they will catch up with you and when they do… there goes your R-E-S-P-E-C-T. So what should you do?

THE ANSWER!

I know you are reading in suspense hoping that, like Charlie, you will get the golden ticket. Truth is, it all boils down to two very simple and effective actions:

1. Just Ask!

Be clear about what you want and need. It takes a level of vulnerability to put yourself out there, but people will respect you more for it. If you are consistent, over time people will not question your motives. They know that if you want something, you’ll ask. This is a great way to lead by example.

2. Help others get what they want.

It’s easy to convince yourself that surely people are noticing how well you constantly do and are thinking about how they can help or reward you. Truth be told? It just isn’t true! People are so wrapped up in trying to achieve their own goals, that you hardly ever cross their minds. One surefire way to stand out though, is to notice what makes others tick. (SIDEBAR: Don’t do this just to get what you want … that’s manipulation.)

Help others get what they want with no strings attached.

What can you do in your current position to help others be more successful? There is always something you can do regardless of your “rank” in your organization. Don’t fall into the trap of thinking you can’t do anything because you don’t have the formal position or authority. Even the smallest gestures can have enormous impact on how others perceive you.

And, if you are a leader at the top of an organization, it is likely impossible to help everyone get what they want, even though you may technically have the “power.” Instead, mirror the intended behavior. Over time, your team will do whatever they can to help make you and the company successful.

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